Cat Owner's Manual

Yesterday at Chapter's, I picked up a book that was on the 5$ discount table. It was titled the 'Cat Owner's Manual', as seen below:This book is really cute, because it describes the cat as it would in a computer manual, using terms like 'interfacing' (eg. Interfacing with Children, in the 'Home Installation' chapter), 'docking ports' (nipples, found on both male and female models) and 'output port' (well, you can figure that one out). Here is the cat diagram:I've already learned a lot more about cats. Did you know that a kitten's sense of smell is so fine-tuned as to differentiate between different nipples on its mother? Or that cats can be 'left-pawed', 'right-pawed' or ambidextrous (ambipawtrous?)? Other chapters that are cute include Basic Programming (eg. self-grooming procedures, training options), Fuel Requirements, Emergency Maintenance and Advanced Functions, although I have yet to make it through all the chapters and can't share tidbits just yet. However, I did skip ahead to the Troubleshooting appendix and will leave you with some neat ones:

Malfunction: Cat gets stuck in tree.
Cause and Solution: (abbreviated) Easy for cat to climb tree, not designed to descend. Don't call fire department. Cat will find its own way down, often by backing down rump first.

Malfunction: Cat kills mice and/or birds then brings them to you.
Cause and Solution: (abbreviated) May regard owner as family, chooses to honor you by having you share in kill.

Malfunction: Cat makes a point of pestering visitors who fear or dislike felines, yet ignores guests who love cats.
Cause and Solution: (abbreviated) People who like cats tend to stare at them. This is an aggressive challenge in feline world. Cats don't like it, and will go towards people who don't like cats and who do not stare at them.

Malfunction: Cat displays complete lack of autonomous function, refuses to clean itself and displays subpar intelligence.
Cause and Solution: Consult your veterinarian. You may have accidentally acquired a dog.

(All the above is taken from Dr. David Brunner and Sam Stall's 'The Cat Owner's Manual', 2004, Quirk Books, Philadelphia PA.)